Safe and Return: two words that are "heavily" debated by the news, pundits, parents, activists, students, and many others. I was thinking about safe returns lately. Some of the definitions were on point and others loosely related. So, let's start with the least related, but most important one.
Return to Normal, Whatever That Means
For the last four months, I have been sleeping and working and living through the thickness of depression. During these times, I struggled to get out of bed and got into many bloody-knife battles with myself—or the self that gave a shit about smelling good and fitting in—about showering. Depression won most of those battles.
Today, I am returning to a level of normalcy that I have missed, but just couldn't get back to it, no matter how much I prayed or tried. That was then.
Now, since classes ended, I have been waking up early, taking a shower daily, walking every day, and being present to my family. This is a lovely safe return, from a long semester of shit and foggy ghost-existence brought on by my mental illness. Yes, I know many of you have suffered from this too. I wish you all a return to life.
Return to School
The concern for the safety of my children and other children is palpable. Not a day goes by where I don't dread their return to school. My children, fortunately, go to an outstanding, community-based school, a public school we struggled to find for both kids.
After talking to a colleague, I realized the educators, staff, and administration would go above and beyond to keep my miracles left. You see, I wasn't supposed to have children, but I have been blessed with two wonderful human beings. And it's my job to keep them safe. However, I am sure they will be fine; now, I may be crying in a couple of months, but I believe they will be well-cared for. Besides, my kids need to be with other kids. My daughter who is six was so excited, when I told her the news, she listed all the rules of conduct about COVID.
Return to Blogging and Writing
I'm back bitches! I am writing a lot and editing a great deal because my energy is back. I am more disciplined now, although I am "nap-flexible." I am on vacation after all, so why not take some time off? Some real time for myself? (Though, I am not sure what that latter answer is, not yet.)
But, this blog, it and I have been strangers for many a month. Well, I am tired of discussing writing advice. I don't want it to be a blog about stupid happenings. Or to sound cool. Honestly.
I decided this time, my blog would focus on shit that matters, and not write it for an audience. That may sound contradictory, but in the past, I was writing my blog posts, trying to be cool, because I knew you were reading them. Well, you know what? That's bullshit. Patent, so I return to this blog with a fully human heart.
If there are kernels of truth for others, fine. Maybe we can learn together.
Dr. Jesú Estrada,